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I would like opinions on a manga I may make one day.

Poll: On a scale of one to ten (ten for excellent of course), how well do you think this manga would rate in terms of popularity?

1 (barely/not looked at and decided to be a piece of &$&#F#)

25%

[ 8 ]

2 (disliked a lot)

[ 1 ]

3 (disliked)

[ 2 ]

4 (not great)

[ 1 ]

5 (mediocre/better than nothing)

[ 0 ]

6 (slightly interesting;almost/barely worth reading)

16%

[ 5 ]

7 (quite interesting, holds attention;worth reading)

25%

[ 8 ]

8 (very good/interesting; a good read for sure)

[ 3 ]

9 (really really good and super interesting; page turner)

[ 3 ]

Total Votes : 31

Author

Message

I would like opinions on a manga I may make one day. on Wed Aug 30, 2006 10:09 am

GreatWhiteNinja

Joined: 16 Feb 2006
Posts: 429

Of course, to vote you will have to read this description first. (The descriptions in parenthesis are just suggestions/guides to help you decide on a rating; if you want you can just give me your own description of it's potential success/popularity.) I was going to save this for another time, but seeing as psipog is going to close I thought now would be a great time Razz

. EDIT: If anyone would like to make (a) critisizm(s), PLEASE DO IT WITHOUT BEING AN ASSHOLE ABOUT IT. I need critics of all kinds to give me an idea of whether or not this would even be worth making. Okay, here is the basic summary of the manga:

(can't use direct terms here must use abbreviated language; surrounded; I'll edit later to make it easier to understand.)

The title of the manga is Ushima (OO-SHI-MUH). All or most of the names I use in the manga will be made up from my imagination. Ushima is an example of a made up name. The manga will revolve around a ninja who lost his parents (this is in modern times though) as a boy. He is taken in by a ninja master eventually and taught everything he needs to know. But the catch about the ninja training facility is that all of the ninjas are trained in, you guessed it, psionics!!! Yes, that is mainly why it's on this website. Must leave can't lose work. Vote if you'd like. I'll finist the summary another time. I apologize.

Posted on Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:13 pm

Rahmid

Joined: 14 Apr 2006
Posts: 739

Well, frist of all, make an account here(http://www.fictionpress.com) and tell me your name so when you decide to make it, I can read it.

Ok I troll around fictionpress alot and know good from bad. Like my story, it's bad, thats why I quit writing it. The plot was crazy twisted(as in fucking fuck up, beyond belief), please dont even read it. ANY WAY. To your story:

Ok, not saying this is going to be unoriginal, just so far there about 50 billion of 'Lost my family and was taken in by a master of some sort of martial art' stories out there. So instantly it's gonna get some criticism. So to make up for it, you have to have a crazy kick ass plot, along with some quirky people and some good description with awesome twists and psychological funness. So is this your first story?? Can you write good??

Me and my friend(she's amazing with stories) can help edit if you'd like.

I enjoy it

Rahmid

Posted on Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:43 pm

existanceisnothing

Joined: 02 Aug 2006
Posts: 139

i dont like the whole loses parents thing to used and if there powerfull psions would they be able to locate him? vice versa but the whole ninja psion thing is rele cool exept i dont see how a ninja would work intodays world

Posted on Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:57 pm

GreatWhiteNinja

Joined: 16 Feb 2006
Posts: 429

Well, I will probably do just those things! Perhaps you could be my partner/proof reader for the story line if you're interested. I do have another friend who may be able to help me story line wise too, but the more critics the better. As for the dead parents thing, I kind of expected someone to mention that. I even had second thoughts about it since it is as you said very common. The only other option is for Ushima's parents to not know he's a ninja since they'd worry about him too much. He'd have to lead double lives or something like Batman (aha! another common example!). But if I wanted to go crazy I could just have his parents know about his ninja life and just be supportive background characters that make brief appearances *yawn*. The other reason I must have his parents dead is because he is driven by the prospect of revenge (he is no longer driven by revenge once he kills the ones who kills his parents; he then goes after the masterminds who cause these things to happen) and ulitmate justice throughout the whole story. As for the characters, I will do my best to make them unique and "quirky". (Ushima will probably have the most quirks; example: I intend to give him a pet snake that he loves. The only catch is it's a rattle snake!! But it doesn't bite him. It's very intelligent and scares the *&^@#% out of his friends all of the time. It serves as part of the comic relief of the story too.) Rahmid, if you wish to read any more about the story line just look at the first post I made which I shall edit to fill you in once I finish with this post. There's just one thing I must tell you. This is a MANGA/GRAPHIC NOVEL/ANIME whatever you wish to call it. It's no novel. It consists of japanese-style drawings with word bubbles! It will still be good if I can pull it off though. So I can't put it on that website or whatever.

Posted on Wed Aug 30, 2006 4:37 pm

sparkz

Joined: 02 Feb 2006
Posts: 664

It sounds a bit... well... samey.
Like their aren't a few thousand mangas out there at the moment that have extremely similar plot styles/storylines.

But you should try and make the story grow, make the characters three dimentional and figure out an entire story, plot twists, the full works. i'm doing something like this right now, getting a good story (been going through it for about 2-3 years now, roughly) While i work on my animating. so that when i finally start making it. it won't be a mediocre drop in the bucket.
I want to make something revolutionary. (which is becoming increasingly hard with all the publishable meduims available at the moment.)
But i'm trying to make something completely original. perhaps a revision of your story is in order.

Posted on Wed Aug 30, 2006 4:46 pm

GreatWhiteNinja

Joined: 16 Feb 2006
Posts: 429

existanceisnothing wrote:

Okay, I'll give you an early explaination of those things.

1. PARENT-DEATH THING: somewhat necessary for plot but can be changed (I'm still planning story line and my manga drawing skills still need a lot of work)

2. POWERFULL PSIONS: certain abilities will be restricted or ignored (to an extent maybe) (like RV for locating things) others will be exaggerated.
with the way things will be written they won't usually locate Ushima all the time. Usually assassins or powerful villains may locate him with psionic means. Lesser villains may use other means to find him (and his crew).

3. NINJA SURVIVING IN THE REAL WORLD: Ushima will be part of a SECRET ninja society/training facility. I will pretend that in the 80's the japanese government at the request of the police formed a top secret modern ninja project developed to fight organized crime illegally and with stealth. It will be illegal because the police can't catch criminals in action/the crime syndicate is just too powerful (in the court too) and the police must therefore use specially trained psionic ninjas to do the job quickly, quietly, and without any evidence leading to the killer. While traveling from town to town, Ushima will wear normal clothes and will keep a low profile, unless of course a thug of the rogue ninja organization challenges Ushima to a fight in plain sight!!! I hope that answers you questions. Be sure to read my finished summary on my first post to get a better understanding of my story.

Posted on Wed Aug 30, 2006 4:49 pm

GreatWhiteNinja

Joined: 16 Feb 2006
Posts: 429

sparkz wrote:

I understand. We can discuss this later. I don't have time now sorry. I'll finish the summary another time and perhaps we can discuss our stories with PMs.

Posted on Wed Aug 30, 2006 5:02 pm

existanceisnothing

Joined: 02 Aug 2006
Posts: 139

alright i think i could help u if u want but i need to know how old u are the age target adiance will it be cartoon funny ie fruit basket or somthing or seriouse and dark berserk akira ect do u have aim?

Posted on Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:13 pm

Rahmid

Joined: 14 Apr 2006
Posts: 739

OOHHH, a graphic novel, okey dokey. You couldn't use Fictionpress.com then. But sounds much better. I'd like to be in the loop.

Rahmid

Posted on Thu Aug 31, 2006 9:35 am

GreatWhiteNinja

Joined: 16 Feb 2006
Posts: 429

All right, so you two would like to get involved with my manga in some way? (Rahmid: what do you mean you "want to be in the loop"?) Anyway In a bit less than 5 hours I will have time to finist the summary on another post since, for some reason, I can no longer edit my first post.

TO EXISTANCEISNOTHING:

1. I'm 17 (if that's one of the things you asked-your grammar and spelling screwed up my understanding of what you wrote, please try to make an effort to make it readable)

2. I don't have AIM, sorry. (I do have an e-mail address though so if you want it just ask and from there we could arrange a meeting on gabbly through google or something if you need to chat.)

3. I believe the target audience will be about 16 and up (rated "older teen") because the blood and gore can't really be helped with the way it will be written.

4. Mood: Mainly serious and mature but interlaced with humor for comic relief. Jokes will be played on others, people will say ridiculous things, and hillarious perverted acts will take place; all this so it won't get too depressing. If you've ever read/watched Samurai Deeper Kyo or Naruto think of the occasional humor but more frequent, in detail, and longer (i.e. the jokes, funny acts, etc. will be longer that is).

TO BOTH OF YOU: I thought up an alternative to the dead parent thing yesterday. It's much less common and it will make things more interesting and may drive the plot more too. I shall explain this change in my next post that will contain the rest of the summary.

NOTE TO POTENTIAL VOTERS:WAIT UNTIL I FINISH THE SUMMARY UNTIL YOU VOTE PLEASE. YOU WILL GET A BETTER IDEA OF WHAT IT'S ABOUT.

Posted on Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:36 am

Lawrence_of_Arabia

Joined: 08 Jun 2006
Posts: 27

The art so far looks good, I guess I am the only one who can say that though, considering Ive actually seen the roughs. The story is a little bland, but the thing hasnt been fully put together yet so just wait. Try to scan some pics GWN. (By the way, I havent seen you in school lately, where you been?)

Posted on Thu Aug 31, 2006 2:59 pm

GreatWhiteNinja

Joined: 16 Feb 2006
Posts: 429

Lawrence_of_Arabia wrote:

Holy Shit! It's been too long Jameson. Perhaps we can arrange a meeting and I can show you how tremendously I have improved my technique. I once looked at my old drawings and compared them to my latest ones. The difference was so embarrasing that I thought about throwing out the old ones but I thought why not keep them, remaster the same old pictures, and show them to you. But I haven't gotten to the remastering part yet Laughing

. Anyway, as for why you haven't seen me, I only have four classes this year and I hang out behind the library desk until 3:30 since my mom still works there. I could scan some picks once I get extremely confident in my abilities (although I have improved I am still embarrased to show my work). And since you know me, you know that will take a looooooooooong time Razz

. Oh yeah, back to the us not seeing each other thing: You can meet me at lunch time (just look for me behind the apple computers). Now for the story line, I have come up with many new ideas. Bland probably is a good description for it right now, but I believe that with some cooperative work with you (and perhaps others) it will be at least able to hold ones attention. Also the fascinating and extremely exaggerated psionic feats the characters will perform along with the action itself should be enough to make things even more interesting for readers (so that focus will be partly taken off of the story line Twisted Evil

). If you read my last post you'll notice that I came up with an alternative to the dead parent thing. It may be necessary to keep people from getting mad at the stereotypicality. Besides it will make things more complicated for Ushima and will, as a result, give his purpose for his huge self-proclaimed mission more solditity and reason. My next post will contain the rest of the summary so read carefully and feel free to comment and make suggestions or criticisms. I must tell you three more things.

1. check your e-mails if you haven't already (some may require to respond SO PLEASE RESPOND!)

2. check your PMs if you haven't already (you know what I'm going to say Laughing

! A ditto of number 1)

3. I'm going to (or at least try do) call you today since it's easier than PMing and all that and because I'm just anxious to talk to you again.

Posted on Thu Aug 31, 2006 4:46 pm

GreatWhiteNinja

Joined: 16 Feb 2006
Posts: 429

TO ANYONE WHO WISHES TO VOTE OR COMMENT ON MY POTENTIAL MANGA: PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING REFINED AND COMPLETE SUMMARY AND DESCRIPTION OF MY POTENTIAL MANGA:

I have decided to redo the whole summary since my last one needed changing anyway. Now for the summary and description:

STORY LINE:

The story starts out with Ushima (main character) as a kid at the age of twelve. He's fishing with his parents and leaves to take a leak in a bush. While he does this two mysterious ninja assassins come out into the open (where Ushima's parents are fishing) and confront his parents. (here what happens is not shown until a flash back scene occurs later in the story) Ushima comes back, notices his parents bodies on the ground, and hides behind a near by tree. The keener and smarter ninja (he's the brains of the outfit) senses Ushima's presense and they chase him through the forest. He gives them the slip and hides in a hollow log until they pass by. When he wakes up he peeks out of the a hole in the log and notices a Buddhist monk (I probably won't even mention that they are Buddhist just to be safe if I ever make the manga) picking flowers near by. The Buddhist monk senses Ushima and addresses him. Then Ushima is taken in by the monk and lives with other monks in a temple for a few weeks. The lead monk sees the hidden anger and sorrow (by this time Ushima has already told him about the loss of his parents) hidden in Ushimas aura (Yes, auras will be included in the story. I can do what I want Twisted Evil

! And besides, it is fiction Wink

.). He confronts Ushima about this and Ushima takes it badly. At night, Ushima runs away because he can't stand the master's view on the pointlessness of anger and such. After he stops in the forest for a break from all the running, he notices an old man sitting on a tree stump watching him. The man turns out to be the leader of a secret ninja program (for more info. on the ninja program see one of my ealier posts). They talk and the master uses telepathy to find out more about Ushima and what's been happening to him. This frightens Ushima noticably and eventually the old man reveals everything about his ninja training facility because he judged from ushima's thoughts, aura, and emotions that he has nothing to live for and needs something like what only the master can offer. One of those things is revenge... ( Laughing

)

The master also reveals the fact that his training facility includes training in psionics and tells him about what can be taught in the paranormal field (Psychic training is necessary for the ninjas because it is used to elimate targets quickly, quietly, and without any clues leading to the killer. It is also necessary because it allows them to destroy or screw up evidence in assassination missions as well.). Ushima trains hard and, after months and months of frustration, eventually starts unlocking his psychic ablilities. Once that happens, his moral skyrockets and he can't stop practicing. He eventually gets so good and well-rounded in psionics that he goes from the underdog in sparing (Children of ninjas there go there for pychic combat training for fun and because they may decide to be ninjas just like their parents. They get to spar each other to match their skills against others.) others to being the best there is. When Ushima turns 18 he is old enough to become a full-fledged ninja authorized to go on missions. His first mission is a simple assassination one. Once he deals with it he meets some unexpected "company" on the way back. They turn out to be evil ninjas from some rival and highly secret crime organization. Ushima kills one and leaves the other one critically wounded. The wounded one recognizes Ushima and tells him that they didn't kill his parents but took them prisoner. Ushima then realizes what he's talking about and pries for information. Ushima gets a lead from the dying ninja. He tells his master about it and his master realizes that they have stumbled upon something big as he puts two and two together. Ushima requests to go it alone on a one manned mission to retrieve his parents since every other ninja is already on a mission of his/her own. His master accepts and allows him to do so. From here Ushima meets new companions on his journey as he searches for his parents, gets jobs to support himself (I will go into the jobs to add humor to the story since Ushima handles his jobs "differently" than most people), and fights anyone who tries to kill him whether it be in a forest, desert, mountain range, in his sleep, in the shower, or on the crapper!

I'll type up the description on another post since I have to change computers.

Posted on Thu Aug 31, 2006 5:19 pm

GreatWhiteNinja

Joined: 16 Feb 2006
Posts: 429

The description part will have to wait until another time. I must leave. So long for now.

Posted on Fri Sep 01, 2006 4:19 pm

Rahmid

Joined: 14 Apr 2006
Posts: 739

Very good. Huge improvement over the last sumary, lol. Now it is orinigal. Aussi, thats a fun twist, with the parents. Also I pmed you back. Just saying if you dont get an email and notice that you've gotten a pm(it's happened to me! *shakes fist at psipog forum*) you know now.

Look forward to the start! Are you a good artist?

Rahmid

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