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I would like opinions on a manga I may make one day.
Poll: On a scale of one to ten (ten for excellent of course), how well do you think this manga would rate in terms of popularity? 1 (barely/not looked at and decided to be a piece of &$&#F#) 25% [ 8 ] 2 (disliked a lot) 3% [ 1 ] 3 (disliked) 6% [ 2 ] 4 (not great) 3% [ 1 ] 5 (mediocre/better than nothing) 0% [ 0 ] 6 (slightly interesting;almost/barely worth reading) 16% [ 5 ] 7 (quite interesting, holds attention;worth reading) 25% [ 8 ] 8 (very good/interesting; a good read for sure) 9% [ 3 ] 9 (really really good and super interesting; page turner) 9% [ 3 ] Total Votes : 31
Author	Message
Posted on Tue Sep 12, 2006 5:05 pm
somefatguy Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 1187	mattz1010 wrote: GWN, I'm quite interested, although I only voted a 7. You can draw anime, correct? I'd like to see some sample pages, this sounds cool. Edit: I saw the drawing, I know how to be a fucking idiot xD Looks like it'd take some time for you to draw the manga unless you simplify the drawings... But hey, quality in manga is good. and you can include some colour pages here and there GWN, doesn't like to draw in color, nor has he ever. And damn you guys type a lot.
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Posted on Tue Sep 12, 2006 8:24 pm
Tankdown Joined: 10 Aug 2006 Posts: 688	Lawrence_of_Arabia story sounds ok, plus if the boy learn to fish and hunt why was he going to eat a beetle? Could the girl have a cutier name then Kay, the first things that came to mine was okay, and K cereal (mmmmmmm.....yummy). Ninjas are not easily fooled but small actions, if his friend was a ninja he would have notice the dagger in the old mans hands when he tired to kill him. He would also notice why the old man is in his room to begin with (Unless hes a child rapeist...monks are so lonely). I think whatshisname (the town teacher) should be given more reasons to teach him and his cute friend. It is a private school or something is the reason why the principal wouldnt let them in the first place? If it is public he would have "had" to let them in. I think you sort of torn up whiteninja stroy a little much don't you think? However to me and to be honest it sounds more thought up of. But it also sounds like a everyday japanese anime which sounds bad to me.
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Posted on Tue Sep 12, 2006 9:27 pm
mattz1010 Joined: 14 Jan 2006 Posts: 885	somefatguy wrote: mattz1010 wrote: GWN, I'm quite interested, although I only voted a 7. You can draw anime, correct? I'd like to see some sample pages, this sounds cool. Edit: I saw the drawing, I know how to be a fucking idiot xD Looks like it'd take some time for you to draw the manga unless you simplify the drawings... But hey, quality in manga is good. and you can include some colour pages here and there GWN, doesn't like to draw in color, nor has he ever. And damn you guys type a lot. >_> He should take up colouring. I think that'd add so much to the picture. Then again, all my pictures are done entirely with a lead pencil, on lined paper to add horribility. Edit: I like it. I want to be a part of it. So far I've read page 1, page 2 up to where GWN explains the plot, and then lawrence_of_arabia's post on page3. But I'll read all of it by half an hour's passing.
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Posted on Tue Sep 12, 2006 9:56 pm
Rahmid Joined: 14 Apr 2006 Posts: 739	yay, i'm back. For some reason my comp boycoted psipog for some reason. But anyway, I'm not to worried about the plot. I like what Lawrence posted, and the sword and weapon stuff is cool. But the ice weapons have been done in mortal combat. as for the drawing, it needs to be WAY WAY WAY simplified. Get a few manga books and study them. It shouldn't take too, too long to get used to it and be able to do it fast, manga really is the easiest way of sketching. Good luck Rahmid
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Posted on Tue Sep 12, 2006 11:56 pm
Lawrence_of_Arabia Joined: 08 Jun 2006 Posts: 27	Ok. now to answer some of the questions. The reason Ushima eats a beetle is because he struggles to catch any food and there is no water to fish in (we can go into detail about what exactly happens later, but he does survive in the wilderness for two weeks, which is way long for anyone to survive even with the greatest of survival skills). Everyone is asleep in their cots when the "grandmaster" dude tries to kill Ushima, and only Ushima and his former friend from the monastery are awoken. What else...oh yeah, the school IS a public school and the only favor the principal performs is allowing them to live in one of the abandoned classrooms. Ofcourse throughout the story the kids will have lots of mini adventures (while there heading for the city and while at the school) which ought to thicken the plot and character developement of the cast. Remember, even though this is long, it is meant to be a BRIEF summary of the manga, not a complete walk through the plot. Where was I... 9. Was it 9? Whatever. So Ushima fights this gang or whatever and his "girlfriend" is killed... accidentally. The members of the psionic gang do have morlity and a conscience and are deeply ashamed and disturbed by what their violence has caused. Ushima, however, becomes completely enraged at them and recounts all the deaths of close ones he has witnessed. As he cradles the dead body of the girl who saved his life two years ago, He once again blames himself for indirectly causing her death. He basically goes completely insane and with blind rage and an immense new power kills THE WHOLE GANG at the school, but MOKARU is killed in the process. "Ushima" the word passes through his mind. He soon returns to normal. Beaten and looking for comfort he turns his beaten head towards Kay and the Funny homeless kid, he reaches out to touch them but they cowar in fear. He then collapses in front of them. He dreams again of the violence and the death only to wake up in a familiar setting. He is in the same bed he was in 2 years ago after collapsing from exhaustion and above him is his girlfriend caressing his cheek..."Ushima" she says. And then he wakes up. He only dreamed of waking up in that bed, instead he wakes up in a puddle of his own blood. He had only been unconcious for maybe 30 seconds. he looks up to see his friend from the monastery standing above him surrounded by the suns glow (the one who vowed to avenge the death of the grandmaster, we'll call him Akira). Ushima reaches out to grab him and the boy lifts him up. "Akira" says Ushima. With a blank stare and hate filled eyes, Akira stabs Ushima in the stomache like Brutus and Ceasar before. Ushimas eyes widen as he realises what has happened he steps back and looks one last time into his former best friends eyes before looking back at his wound and kneeling on the ground.e curls up and dies, recounting for one last time the memeries of those he loved, sweet memories of life. That would be the end. To make it make more sense, we could have it so tha Akira has battled Ushima before in the forest as the group was heading toward the city and Ushima nearly kills him, but remembering their friendship he decides not to finish off the unconsious Akira. I was making this story up as I went along so I have a SHITLOAD of changes to make. These are just ideas. My imagination running wild.
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Posted on Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:05 am
somefatguy Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 1187	You kill off the main character! No way! No one likes that (or at least not me or my brother I bet)
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Posted on Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:10 am
GreatWhiteNinja Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 429	Lawrence_of_Arabia wrote: Ok. now to answer some of the questions. The reason Ushima eats a beetle is because he struggles to catch any food and there is no water to fish in (we can go into detail about what exactly happens later, but he does survive in the wilderness for two weeks, which is way long for anyone to survive even with the greatest of survival skills). Everyone is asleep in their cots when the "grandmaster" dude tries to kill Ushima, and only Ushima and his former friend from the monastery are awoken. What else...oh yeah, the school IS a public school and the only favor the principal performs is allowing them to live in one of the abandoned classrooms. Ofcourse throughout the story the kids will have lots of mini adventures (while there heading for the city and while at the school) which ought to thicken the plot and character developement of the cast. Remember, even though this is long, it is meant to be a BRIEF summary of the manga, not a complete walk through the plot. Where was I... 9. Was it 9? Whatever. So Ushima fights this gang or whatever and his "girlfriend" is killed... accidentally. The members of the psionic gang do have morlity and a conscience and are deeply ashamed and disturbed by what their violence has caused. Ushima, however, becomes completely enraged at them and recounts all the deaths of close ones he has witnessed. As he cradles the dead body of the girl who saved his life two years ago, He once again blames himself for indirectly causing her death. He basically goes completely insane and with blind rage and an immense new power kills THE WHOLE GANG at the school, but MOKARU is killed in the process. "Ushima" the word passes through his mind. He soon returns to normal. Beaten and looking for comfort he turns his beaten head towards Kay and the Funny homeless kid, he reaches out to touch them but they cowar in fear. He then collapses in front of them. He dreams again of the violence and the death only to wake up in a familiar setting. He is in the same bed he was in 2 years ago after collapsing from exhaustion and above him is his girlfriend caressing his cheek..."Ushima" she says. And then he wakes up. He only dreamed of waking up in that bed, instead he wakes up in a puddle of his own blood. He had only been unconcious for maybe 30 seconds. he looks up to see his friend from the monastery standing above him surrounded by the suns glow (the one who vowed to avenge the death of the grandmaster, we'll call him Akira). Ushima reaches out to grab him and the boy lifts him up. "Akira" says Ushima. With a blank stare and hate filled eyes, Akira stabs Ushima in the stomache like Brutus and Ceasar before. Ushimas eyes widen as he realises what has happened he steps back and looks one last time into his former best friends eyes before looking back at his wound and kneeling on the ground.e curls up and dies, recounting for one last time the memeries of those he loved, sweet memories of life. That would be the end. To make it make more sense, we could have it so tha Akira has battled Ushima before in the forest as the group was heading toward the city and Ushima nearly kills him, but remembering their friendship he decides not to finish off the unconsious Akira. I was making this story up as I went along so I have a SHITLOAD of changes to make. These are just ideas. My imagination running wild. Jameson... YOU'RE FIRED!!!! Just kidding. But you did change the plot so much you may as well make your own manga . Don't get me wrong, some of the stuff in the beginning (of your original summary) was pretty good. The relationships and dramatic/tragic events definitely added some "oomph" to the beginning. But once you got into the public school thing and Ushima dying at the hands of some weakling monk YOU JUST WENT TOO FAR !!! Rule number one, Jameson, USHIMA CAN'T DIE!!!! Rule number two: USHIMA KICKS ALMOST ANYONE'S ASS!!! Okay, Jameson, I'm being a little harsh (maybe ). You did say that it was wild imagination. So this is what I'll do. I'll splice some of your wild plot with my storyline to make the ultimate manga that will have no equal!!!!!!!! I am a man of detail so I just want to patch up the holes in your plot and alter them a little to make them compatible with mine (so I can take all the credit (lol)) . 1. The parents dead at early age-compatible 2. Grandfather teaches Ushima survival skills-compatible 3. Grandfather dies after the premonition of Ushima- requires further discussion REASON: His grandfather could be a character visited by Ushima from time to time when he's older and gets homesick or something. And he could interact with Ushima's companions and be a kind of relief character, especially if I make him funny. He could act as Ushima's guiding light and source of wisdom in life when Ushima feels lost. 4. The thing with the lumber jack and daughter- depends on outcome of three but still an interesting asset to the plot. Perhaps Ushima could get lost or something and could be taken in by them. They could be like Ushima's neighbors. 5. Monastary thingy- In my storyline they will only teach non-lethal psionic methods. The monastary will be friends with the ninja clan nearby. This is where they learnt there peaceful abilities from. plot in monastary is okay and suits transition to the ninja training facility (perhaps in between the two places, Ushima could get lost in forest again except for longer which changes him a bit) 6. public school- come to think of it, I'm uncertain of whether it will serve a purpose or not. Because I might just have Ushima home schooled instead, but then again if he attended the school life would be interesting if his powers went out of control there . This would result in him having to embrace his destiny at a younger age. It would be wierd because some companions I intend for him to be with would be signifigantly older than him. Perhaps I need to rethink them. We'll discuss this further another time. Cya.
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Posted on Wed Sep 13, 2006 12:20 pm
Lawrence_of_Arabia Joined: 08 Jun 2006 Posts: 27	Yeah, my imagination did go out of control. But I think that a lot of what I wrote can be incorporated into the story. Im personally drawn to the type of character who is never really a leader and rather the outsider but who reveals his enormous power at certain points in the story. I also like the part of my story that has Ushima predestined to be an antichrist like figure. A good boy most of his life, Ushima suffers too many losses and becomes a loose cannon...an EVIL loose cannon. I like the dual personality that has him as a quiet kid and an enraged psychopath. I also like the fact that when he goes out of control he kills the very people he loves, only furthering his rage, very dramatic. The reason I had Ushima die fairly easily was to emphasise his dual personality. It was the weak, naive, and trusting Ushima that was stabbed in the stomache by an individual he once befriended. It makes you sympathise with Ushima even though he has killed many innocents. It didnt take alot of power to bring down Ushima, just a misuse of his trust. Another aspect that.....wow....im really thinking I should just write my own adventure novel (considering I cant draw). Ive deviated to far from your storyline.
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Posted on Wed Sep 13, 2006 12:30 pm
Lawrence_of_Arabia Joined: 08 Jun 2006 Posts: 27	One thing that I would encourage is developing more than one main character or shifting plot emphasis from one character to another, it always keeps things interesting and gives new light to the story. Also, dont make Ushima perfect. If he never makes mistakes and is always the strongest character, you wont be able to delve deeper into his personality, you need to find out how Ushima will react to failure. I, as you know, prefer the tragic hero. Also, build multiple rivalries between characters, make it known that some feel or act differently with other characters presence. And it also would'nt help to have a love interest (well not actually a love interest but more like sexual tension between characters, that always makes the story lighter and more enjoyable). I would make the pace of the plot always changing. It doesnt need to be fight after fight, maybe for 20 or 30 pages the plot could focus on the characters all looking for places to bathe or something seemingly pointless like that. Keep imagining.
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Posted on Wed Sep 13, 2006 1:59 pm
somefatguy Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 1187	Lawrence_of_Arabia wrote: One thing that I would encourage is developing more than one main character or shifting plot emphasis from one character to another, it always keeps things interesting and gives new light to the story. Also, dont make Ushima perfect. If he never makes mistakes and is always the strongest character, you wont be able to delve deeper into his personality, you need to find out how Ushima will react to failure. I, as you know, prefer the tragic hero. Also, build multiple rivalries between characters, make it known that some feel or act differently with other characters presence. And it also would'nt help to have a love interest (well not actually a love interest but more like sexual tension between characters, that always makes the story lighter and more enjoyable). I would make the pace of the plot always changing. It doesnt need to be fight after fight, maybe for 20 or 30 pages the plot could focus on the characters all looking for places to bathe or something seemingly pointless like that. Keep imagining. Yeah, I know it is boring to have a character that is perfect. But, he doesn't have to be perfect. He can be near perfect...someone who doesn't die, but someone who can get injured from a powerfuller foe. You know, at first the foes are weaker than him but later he starts to have trouble and needs some more training and new techniques to learn. I don't like it when the main character gets killed. The readers become attached to the main character and it is very sad.
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Posted on Wed Sep 13, 2006 2:00 pm
GreatWhiteNinja Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 429	I will take all of this into account. Thankyou for your help Jameson. If it's all right with you I'd like to incorperate most of the beginning you provided into my storyline (). But there would have to be changes. I don't want to have him killing tons of people on accident. I want him to maybe injure people on accident or something. It would make me so sad to have Ushima killing his friends and making himself more depressed all the time . It will be a pretty serious manga but there will be humor interwined into the mix so I don't want to make it too tragic. If I did that the comic relief wouldn't have much affect on readers. One thing I should say right now though is I DON'T KNOW IF I WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE THIS MANGA BECAUSE IT WOULD EITHER HAVE TO BE FOR A HOBBY OR FOR A CAREER. Remember, this thread is called "I would like opinions on a manga I MAY make one day". But here is what the plot would look like if I incorperated your beginning into it: 1. Ushima fishes with parents 2. Parents are "murdered" 3. Ushima runs away, kills one of the assassins and injures another 4. he goes to live with his grandpa 5. he hikes with his grandpa and gets lost 6. wakes up in bed in the lumberjack's place after having passed out from surviving for several days 7. all that sexual crap happens and he runs away and finds monastery 8. dream stuff happens, lead monk attempts to kill Ushima and Ushima automatically pierces him with an ice attack 9. the monk girl follows him 10. they end up in a poor town and fur trade stuff happens the ninja guy see's ushima's potential and offers him the opportunity to get trained at the ninja facility, Ushima accepts thinking it would be cool to learn how to fight better (treats it like karate classes) 11. evil ninjas burn down the town 12. they get the map to secret ninja training facility whose leader was a friend of the ninja's 13. they get trained there, the lumberjack's daughter turns out to be a trainee there 14. they all train there and go to a high school nearby as well 15. Ushima reunites with grandfather while keeping most of his doings secret 16. a few chapters that go into his training and development 17. four years pass and Ushima's master tells him the TRUE purpose for the school and Ushima decides that he wants the job of being a true ninja 18. lumberjack girl decides not to be a ninja, but soon learns that her father died and changes her mind 19. the fur trader girl also decides to become a medic ninja (she hates killing; the lumberjack girl is used to killing stuff though) that accompanies ninjas on missions and tries to go with Ushima on his first mission 20. Ushima goes on first mission and learns of parents not being dead after talking to the ninja assassin who survived Ushima's ice attack years ago. 21. Ushima asks permission to go on a personal rescue mission to get his parents back 22. his master accepts and gives him a try at restoring the energy sword since he saw Ushima use tremendous amounts of energy for some of his attacks in the past. Ushima does it and gets to keep the swords. 23. the two women go with him since they both care about him greatly (the fur trader as a friend, the lumberjack daughter as a lover) There is a major twist I'm thinking about putting in the story. It could change a lot. I could switch between two main characters. Ushima and his brother!!!!!!!!!! Out of time right now so again, you can all give your opinions about this. I'll go into the possible brother thing and how their fates collide (they would meet relatively early in the story though) another time.
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Posted on Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:07 pm
Tankdown Joined: 10 Aug 2006 Posts: 688	I havent been able to pin point it about Lawrence_of_Arabia style in the story but I think I found it. The random encounters and rapit failure in human relationship mite just make him afired of human contact rather then that dark moodly prefect charcter you all want. Also I like it when the hero dies in a story because its more real! Tragicy is a beautiful thing because it is real, I think you should look more into friends dieing and such. Maybe the hero should die?
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Posted on Wed Sep 13, 2006 11:09 pm
Lawrence_of_Arabia Joined: 08 Jun 2006 Posts: 27	The only Anime Ive fully enjoyed was Akira. I own all the manga and am obviously heavily influenced by its themes and characters. If your a member of psipog and havent seen Akira and read the manga you are seriously missing out.
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Posted on Thu Sep 14, 2006 9:27 am
GreatWhiteNinja Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 429	Tankdown wrote: I havent been able to pin point it about Lawrence_of_Arabia style in the story but I think I found it. The random encounters and rapit failure in human relationship mite just make him afired of human contact rather then that dark moodly prefect charcter you all want. Also I like it when the hero dies in a story because its more real! Tragicy is a beautiful thing because it is real, I think you should look more into friends dieing and such. Maybe the hero should die? Look at Naruto, it's usually only the bad guys that die. I, personally, don't like main characters dying. You should read Samurai Deeper Kyo if you haven't. There were times were you'd think main characters would die but they didn't. That's probably more like what mine will be like. Maybe one or two might die towards the end. But I REALLY hate tragedy. I appreciate your help but I want my own themes in my manga (if I even make it ). The hero, most of all, is the one I want to see alive in the end. When he finishes what he has journeyed far and wide to do he will find peace with his family and the love of his life . *Jameson says: "Nooooooooo!!!! Kill them all!!!! * I'm also glad to see that ratings 6-9 are above the 1-4 ratings . Cya.
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Posted on Thu Sep 14, 2006 9:39 am
somefatguy Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 1187	My brother and I are very much alike, and I also hate it when the main character dies. Is serious injury not good enough for you guys?
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