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I would like opinions on a manga I may make one day.
Poll: On a scale of one to ten (ten for excellent of course), how well do you think this manga would rate in terms of popularity? 1 (barely/not looked at and decided to be a piece of &$&#F#) 25% [ 8 ] 2 (disliked a lot) 3% [ 1 ] 3 (disliked) 6% [ 2 ] 4 (not great) 3% [ 1 ] 5 (mediocre/better than nothing) 0% [ 0 ] 6 (slightly interesting;almost/barely worth reading) 16% [ 5 ] 7 (quite interesting, holds attention;worth reading) 25% [ 8 ] 8 (very good/interesting; a good read for sure) 9% [ 3 ] 9 (really really good and super interesting; page turner) 9% [ 3 ] Total Votes : 31
Author	Message
Posted on Tue Sep 19, 2006 3:34 pm
GreatWhiteNinja Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 429	Whooooooooooooopeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! I keep getting more and more votes for 6-9. I'm very pleased (^_^). It must have been the drawing ! Anyway, I may as well briefly describe another character. I hope someone responds to my posts soon. I'm getting impatient . SECRET AGENT NINJA DUDE : (forgot his name ; in fact, Ushima and Bobutsu and Ushima's master's last name-Hatama-are the only names I can remember, lol.) He's a calm, cool, funny, and well rounded ninja agent (lol) for another ninja clan. His job is to keep an eye on Ushima and his mission progress. He's supposed to make obtain information about Ushima's leads and so on so he can report it back to HQ via cell phone so that, should Ushima fail his mission, the other clan will be able to finish off where he started. Ushima probably won't learn about this until the end of the manga. This agent will meet Ushima as a fake enemy mercenary who decides to help Ushima kill his (the agent's) master because he was betrayed (which of course couldn't have even happened). I think I'll make his weapon a buzz saw (at least it will look a bit like one, lol) on a cord! He'll also use psi in his muscles to move it faster than humanly possible on some occasions. I may make his major ability biokinesis. He'd either use it for vague disguise or for super strength (makes muscles bigger ). I might make him a bit of a prankster that kind of inspires Ushima to compete (I think I'll make them compete to scare the shit out of each other sometimes) in a way and be less serious sometimes. He'll bring out Ushima's inner child and will affect Ushima a little more than most characters do. Well, that's it for him. I'll edit Bobutsu's description later BTW. EDIT: I felt I should add this. He'll wear sunglasses all the time and it will probably be to protect others from an uncontrollable power of his. Perhaps if someone looks in eyes they'll recieve a suggestive telepathic thought that causes his/her heart to stop or something like that. He could also serve as a bit of a comic relief character.
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Posted on Tue Sep 19, 2006 3:59 pm
Niushirra Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 299	Good stories aren't based on premises and a great assortment of characters. Stories are based on the plot. It looks like you have no real plot so this is basically nothing. In a story that I haven't decided what route I would produce it in a lot of the characters don't have any personailties yet because it's so plot based. The characters are there to be moved around like pawns on a chess board with vague personas. Then you add their personailities later once you have a plot idea down. The stuff you do have seems overdone and cliched.
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Posted on Tue Sep 19, 2006 4:39 pm
GreatWhiteNinja Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 429	Niushirra wrote: Good stories aren't based on premises and a great assortment of characters. Stories are based on the plot. It looks like you have no real plot so this is basically nothing. In a story that I haven't decided what route I would produce it in a lot of the characters don't have any personailties yet because it's so plot based. The characters are there to be moved around like pawns on a chess board with vague personas. Then you add their personailities later once you have a plot idea down. The stuff you do have seems overdone and cliched. Some nerve you've got. Thanks for the advice though . Strange of you to judge it so soon considering the amount of votes ranging from 6-9 are almost twice as many as those ranging from 1-4. As for the plot, I'm not even done working it out. For all I know I could get some better ideas and help from friends and make it far better and more interesting than it is. And as for characters having vague personalities, I don't agree with your view too much. In most of the anime series I watch, the characters have very distinctive personalities even in the beginning of the story.
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Posted on Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:42 pm
derricktheone Joined: 29 Jul 2006 Posts: 356	Niushirra wrote: Good stories aren't based on premises and a great assortment of characters. Stories are based on the plot. It looks like you have no real plot so this is basically nothing. In a story that I haven't decided what route I would produce it in a lot of the characters don't have any personailties yet because it's so plot based. The characters are there to be moved around like pawns on a chess board with vague personas. Then you add their personailities later once you have a plot idea down. The stuff you do have seems overdone and cliched. I'm going to have to agree with him on this one....the characters are okay, but what really makes a story great is the plot. Think of any TRUELY good movies or books you've seen or read. (the shining?, shiendler's list, final fantasy 7 ..all the greats) What makes you remember how great it was is more likely than not, the plot, not the characters (although I understand they do add a lot to the story) P.S Nice reference to the chess board Niushirra. Couldn't have put it better myself.
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Posted on Wed Sep 20, 2006 9:31 am
GreatWhiteNinja Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 429	Well, since you posted you could have at least given me some feedback on some of my more recent posts (;). You should at least tell me whether or not you'd like me to PM you about my twist ending. I see the point about the plot, but it was really just the WAY in which he put it that offended me. Apart from that it didn't really bother me . I don't have much time to go into anything else right now. I did finish a new drawing though . That should get posted within a day or two. It looks a bit better to me but it's on lined paper because I didn't think it would turn out so well. Please just tell me what you think of the characters for now. Eventually I'll go into some of the general plot that I forgot to mention.
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Posted on Wed Sep 20, 2006 4:55 pm
GreatWhiteNinja Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 429	Heres what generally happens after the beginning: 1. Ushima gets a few new companions throughout his adventures 2. they obtain info. from defeated ninjas, organized crime syndicates (ex.- the Yakuza) and infiltration missions where secret info. is kept on computers and stuff. Also spying- tape recorders, tracking devices, eaves dropping. Other info retrieval techniques- police records, maybe even odd clues that reveal themselves in things like newpapers, or just plain psychic abilities 3. "hit men ninjas"- some unskilled ninjas try to kill Ushima and his crew while they're sleeping or taking a crap or something 4. Plain ass-kicking ninjas- they get harder and harder as time goes by and reveal information that is more important than that of the last enemy usually, because they're higher ranking and therefore know a lot more. 5. Ushima learns new skills and improved techniques throughout to defeat the harder enemies and to do harder stealth-recon/info. gathering missions. He learns these from masters (sometimes in exchange for services/favors), strangers who appear normal, his teamates, and even a few enemies (usually mercenaries) who live their final moments (they'd be critically wounded and bound to die from blood loss or something) to help Ushima defeat their boss for reasons such as a change of heart (Ushima's beliefs may be touching to them ), hatred for the boss, or because the boss betrayed them or did something to them or someone they care about, etc. USHIMA'S GOALS: 1. become the grand master to represent other ninja facilities so he'd have the power to convince the government to convince other governments to adopt the same prevention of organized crime prevention (via the use of ninja facilities; he cares about other countries because he travels the world on his mission and learns about the horror of organized crime in other countries) 2. rescue his parents 3. stop the evil boss's plan for his doomsday device- a machine that enhances his telepathic suggestion power so much that it allows him to control all the people in the world!!! I'll go into details about the goals later. Please tell me what you think.
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Posted on Thu Sep 21, 2006 4:16 pm
Lawrence_of_Arabia Joined: 08 Jun 2006 Posts: 27	Unify the plot man! Is all hibbidy jibbidy, noamsayn? You gotsta deliminates some o dems plot elements or else foo. Make it bouts only one single plot!!! Ushima cants be fighting for three muthaf cking goals. OK. Ushima has to have one sole purpose for his quest, if you give him three, then each goal loses purpose and meaning and the driving force of the plot is lost. I say you only make it about Ushima searching for his parents or if they had died, then any information concerning them. Once he succedes in finding his parents (or learning that theyre dead, whatever) you can move on to a different goal for Ushima. This is manga, so use your imagination when coming up with a story. The world of your manga doesnt have to follow the rules of our world. For example: Pokemon dont exist, but they do in Pokemon. I could write a manga about cloud monsters that eat people. USE YOUR IMAGINATION. On to specifics. Whay does the ninja crime syndicate do? who operates them? Why would people work for them? Whats their motivation? What the hell is with the doomsday device idea? TOO CONFUSING/LAME.
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Posted on Fri Sep 22, 2006 3:57 pm
GreatWhiteNinja Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 429	Lawrence_of_Arabia wrote: Unify the plot man! Is all hibbidy jibbidy, noamsayn? You gotsta deliminates some o dems plot elements or else foo. Make it bouts only one single plot!!! Ushima cants be fighting for three muthaf cking goals. OK. Ushima has to have one sole purpose for his quest, if you give him three, then each goal loses purpose and meaning and the driving force of the plot is lost. I say you only make it about Ushima searching for his parents or if they had died, then any information concerning them. Once he succedes in finding his parents (or learning that theyre dead, whatever) you can move on to a different goal for Ushima. This is manga, so use your imagination when coming up with a story. The world of your manga doesnt have to follow the rules of our world. For example: Pokemon dont exist, but they do in Pokemon. I could write a manga about cloud monsters that eat people. USE YOUR IMAGINATION. On to specifics. Whay does the ninja crime syndicate do? who operates them? Why would people work for them? Whats their motivation? What the hell is with the doomsday device idea? TOO CONFUSING/LAME. Good point about unifying the plot. I agree . It would make things more dramatic and interesting. He'd learn new things and accomplish new goals throughout the manga. So in theory, he'd have three goals but would discover the other two in different time periods when the circumstances are right. I can't say much more today. I won't be able to respond till Monday. I intend to get my latest picture scanned today. Hopefully I'll remember .
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Posted on Sun Sep 24, 2006 12:40 pm
Niushirra Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 299	GreatWhiteNinja wrote: Heres what generally happens after the beginning: 1. Ushima gets a few new companions throughout his adventures 2. they obtain info. from defeated ninjas, organized crime syndicates (ex.- the Yakuza) and infiltration missions where secret info. is kept on computers and stuff. Also spying- tape recorders, tracking devices, eaves dropping. Other info retrieval techniques- police records, maybe even odd clues that reveal themselves in things like newpapers, or just plain psychic abilities 3. "hit men ninjas"- some unskilled ninjas try to kill Ushima and his crew while they're sleeping or taking a crap or something 4. Plain ass-kicking ninjas- they get harder and harder as time goes by and reveal information that is more important than that of the last enemy usually, because they're higher ranking and therefore know a lot more. 5. Ushima learns new skills and improved techniques throughout to defeat the harder enemies and to do harder stealth-recon/info. gathering missions. He learns these from masters (sometimes in exchange for services/favors), strangers who appear normal, his teamates, and even a few enemies (usually mercenaries) who live their final moments (they'd be critically wounded and bound to die from blood loss or something) to help Ushima defeat their boss for reasons such as a change of heart (Ushima's beliefs may be touching to them ), hatred for the boss, or because the boss betrayed them or did something to them or someone they care about, etc. USHIMA'S GOALS: 1. become the grand master to represent other ninja facilities so he'd have the power to convince the government to convince other governments to adopt the same prevention of organized crime prevention (via the use of ninja facilities; he cares about other countries because he travels the world on his mission and learns about the horror of organized crime in other countries) 2. rescue his parents 3. stop the evil boss's plan for his doomsday device- a machine that enhances his telepathic suggestion power so much that it allows him to control all the people in the world!!! I'll go into details about the goals later. Please tell me what you think. Alright this post like is the epitomy of what I hate about this story. The plot you have seems cliched and thrown together. It's everything cool you want in a story just thrown together. Bad criminal ninja bad guys. Ninja psychic heros. Things have to be more subtle and real. When I said that your characters didnt' have a lot of personailty what I meant was is they had no depth. They were all sharp edges and nothing inside. One of the best animes is evangelion. There are no "heros" in evangelion. The good guys are pretty screwed up. Everybody is just a person and not on sides. The "bad guys" are the angels and they aren't really even characters at all. They're just like natural disastors. Your story is primarily based around characters and them striving towards their goals. The story should be about the interactions between these characters. Focusing on how they fit togethere like a clock tower.
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Posted on Mon Sep 25, 2006 9:45 am
GreatWhiteNinja Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 429	Niushirra wrote: GreatWhiteNinja wrote: Heres what generally happens after the beginning: 1. Ushima gets a few new companions throughout his adventures 2. they obtain info. from defeated ninjas, organized crime syndicates (ex.- the Yakuza) and infiltration missions where secret info. is kept on computers and stuff. Also spying- tape recorders, tracking devices, eaves dropping. Other info retrieval techniques- police records, maybe even odd clues that reveal themselves in things like newpapers, or just plain psychic abilities 3. "hit men ninjas"- some unskilled ninjas try to kill Ushima and his crew while they're sleeping or taking a crap or something 4. Plain ass-kicking ninjas- they get harder and harder as time goes by and reveal information that is more important than that of the last enemy usually, because they're higher ranking and therefore know a lot more. 5. Ushima learns new skills and improved techniques throughout to defeat the harder enemies and to do harder stealth-recon/info. gathering missions. He learns these from masters (sometimes in exchange for services/favors), strangers who appear normal, his teamates, and even a few enemies (usually mercenaries) who live their final moments (they'd be critically wounded and bound to die from blood loss or something) to help Ushima defeat their boss for reasons such as a change of heart (Ushima's beliefs may be touching to them ), hatred for the boss, or because the boss betrayed them or did something to them or someone they care about, etc. USHIMA'S GOALS: 1. become the grand master to represent other ninja facilities so he'd have the power to convince the government to convince other governments to adopt the same prevention of organized crime prevention (via the use of ninja facilities; he cares about other countries because he travels the world on his mission and learns about the horror of organized crime in other countries) 2. rescue his parents 3. stop the evil boss's plan for his doomsday device- a machine that enhances his telepathic suggestion power so much that it allows him to control all the people in the world!!! I'll go into details about the goals later. Please tell me what you think. Alright this post like is the epitomy of what I hate about this story. The plot you have seems cliched and thrown together. It's everything cool you want in a story just thrown together. Bad criminal ninja bad guys. Ninja psychic heros. Things have to be more subtle and real. When I said that your characters didnt' have a lot of personailty what I meant was is they had no depth. They were all sharp edges and nothing inside. One of the best animes is evangelion. There are no "heros" in evangelion. The good guys are pretty screwed up. Everybody is just a person and not on sides. The "bad guys" are the angels and they aren't really even characters at all. They're just like natural disastors. Your story is primarily based around characters and them striving towards their goals. The story should be about the interactions between these characters. Focusing on how they fit togethere like a clock tower. Okay, sure, I could add a little realism to the whole thing. But those are details that I'd work out later. Ushima would of course be the most depressed and angry character. He'd be struggling not to give up hope and just quit on his mission. He'd probably have tantrums and stuff occasionally. But Evangelion, come on, I watched the anime and it depressed the HELL OUT OF ME most of the time. Unless you speak of the manga, which I have not read .
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Posted on Mon Sep 25, 2006 3:19 pm
Niushirra Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 299	Evangelion was a work of art. It's intertwining plot line using every single character was hard to follow especially at the end, but when I figured it out I was amazed. Your story brings nothing new. It's all cliched stuff. Think of a twist no one has used ever.
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Posted on Mon Sep 25, 2006 4:37 pm
GreatWhiteNinja Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 429	Niushirra wrote: Evangelion was a work of art. It's intertwining plot line using every single character was hard to follow especially at the end, but when I figured it out I was amazed. Your story brings nothing new. It's all cliched stuff. Think of a twist no one has used ever. I see this is getting nowhere. Not everyone is like you. Thanks but no thanks for the "help". I'll figure this out on my own.
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Posted on Mon Sep 25, 2006 4:48 pm
Niushirra Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 299	People seem to think I care what their opinions are. Anyways, put everything in the first post with editing. It'll make it easier when it's all compressed.
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Posted on Mon Sep 25, 2006 4:58 pm
somefatguy Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 1187	Here is the picture: Yay! It works.
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Posted on Tue Sep 26, 2006 4:09 pm
GreatWhiteNinja Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 429	Niushirra wrote: People seem to think I care what their opinions are. Anyways, put everything in the first post with editing. It'll make it easier when it's all compressed. No can do. Right now the edit feature isn't showing. Also, it would take away too much of my limited free time and I'd have to redo it in a unified form. One last thing, If I were to do this it would be so long that I doubt many people would bother reading it. Those who did would probably read it while eating popcorn . P.S. I'm rather surprised you keep posting here. You almost seem to want to help me make it into a decent manga. If you thought it was so bad why didn't you just stop posting instead of giving me tips interlaced with critisizms? There must be some reason behind your actions.
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